People send me jokes, all the time. Some funny, some not so much. A large percentage are blond jokes … interesting. Anyhow, here’s a bunch of play-on-words sent to me. I hope they make you go hmmm.
- I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
- I had amnesia once — or twice.
- Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
- Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
- All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
- I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
- If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses side-saddle.
- A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, “First let me see the sandwich.”
- What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
- They told me I was gullible … and I believed them.
- Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
- Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
- Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone .
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- One nice thing about egoists: They don’t talk about other people.
- When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
- Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
- My weight is perfect for my height – which varies.
- I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
- The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
- How can there be self-help “groups”?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
- The speed of time is one-second per second.
- Is it possible to be totally partial?
- What’s another word for thesaurus?
- If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
- Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
- It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
- If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn’t a horse.
- Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?