Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? (more…)
Experimenting with a rougher style, less polish, more dither.
Another one of unattributed sets of jokes from my archive.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I had amnesia once — or twice.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses side-saddle.
A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, “First let me see the sandwich.” (more…)
Part of a series on a war theme.
This one is from my joke archive, I don’t know who wrote it. Funny though.
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, ‘Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.’ Passenger: ‘Who?’ Cabbie: ‘Frank Feldman .. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.’ Passenger: ‘There are always a few clouds over everybody.’ Cabbie: Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. (more…)
When I was a child, war was despised. The Vietnam war was a big waste of people and resources. Being patriotic was considered to be only for the sheep who follow aimlessly. Today everything is just the opposite, if you don’t want the war, what’s wrong with you. I can’t remember a time that there wasn’t some sort of armed conflict going on in the world, what a waste.
I found these in the archive of jokes that I keep, I have no attribution, so if you know, drop me a note.
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’ … but it’s only a penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have? (more…)
Sent from my friend Steve Capp
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance guy to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it into the toilet and then cleaned the mirror. Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers and then there are Teachers ….
This gang of caricatures isn’t the largest set of caricatures I’ve done. Last year I did a set of 50 people in caricature. Caricature is fun but challenging, sometimes you get pictures as small as your pinky fingernail, or every person has sunglasses on. That’s the toughest, since most of the likeness is in the eyes. Inking in Manga Studio, color in Corel Painter.
