I found these quotes in Jimmy Carr’s book “the Naked Jape“, a great read if you’re trying to dissect what funny is. Some of the quotes are from Jimmy himself, Stephen Wright, Emo Phillips among others.
I’m going to live forever or die trying.
My uncle died of asbestos poisoning, it sure took a long time to cremate him.
I’ll never forget my grandfather’s last words… “TRUCK!”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my father–not screaming in terror like his passengers.
How young can you die of old age?
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred?
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized the lord doesn’t work that way and so I stole one and asked for forgiveness.
I told the traffic warden to go forth and multiply, but not exactly in those words.
I’m against picketing, but don’t know how to show it.