Calgary based Graphic design, Illustration, comic, cartoon and caricature

People send me jokes, all the time. Some funny, some not so much. A large percentage are blond jokes … interesting. Anyhow, here’s a bunch of play-on-words sent to me. I hope they make you go hmmm.

  • I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
  • I had amnesia once — or twice.
  • Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
  • Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
  • All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
  • I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
  • If the world were a logical place, men would ride horses side-saddle.
  • A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, “First let me see the sandwich.”
  • What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?
  • They told me I was gullible … and I believed them.
  • Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he’ll never be able to edge his┬ácar onto a freeway.
  • Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
  • Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone .
  • What if there were no hypothetical questions?
  • One nice thing about egoists: They don’t talk about other people.
  • When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.
  • Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you can find a rock.
  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
  • What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?
  • My weight is perfect for my height – which varies.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.
  • How can there be self-help “groups”?
  • Is there another word for synonym?
  • Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?
  • The speed of time is one-second per second.
  • Is it possible to be totally partial?
  • What’s another word for thesaurus?
  • If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
  • Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
  • Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.
  • It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
  • If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn’t a horse.
  • Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?